I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
