In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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