I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
