Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
