You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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