i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
