I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
