the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
