May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
