I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
