The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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