how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
