i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i think my cat just said my name.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
