you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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