Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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