im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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