At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
