I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
