I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I will be naked everywhere
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize