So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
