Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
