that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
