u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
