I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize