haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
