You made me cry and you don't even care
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Did you just see the Batmobile???
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
