oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i now understand why vodka
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
