Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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