Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize