Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
