His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
