I met the friendliest cop last night
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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