i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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