I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
