yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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