Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
