im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
