Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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