thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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