Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
