i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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