I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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