I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
