you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
