Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
