This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
