I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
