I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think your dad took our porno
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize