My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
