i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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