you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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