guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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