I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize