There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
