Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
