chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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