I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
