I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
