i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
