Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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