So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
