He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
