I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
