wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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