I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
