It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
