Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize