I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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