I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
