The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
