i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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