I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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