butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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