make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
