Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize